Weekend warriors

Wow.. So it's been a week since I last posted! Oopsie gotta be more on top of this huh. So the title is weekend warriors since for the past 2 weekends we have basically plowed through so much "stuff!"

SHOPPING.......

Weekend 1= Christmas shopping. I think dad's must have some secret gift of getting the house all to themselves with phrases like " take the kids with you and your mom she would love to see them." really?! Of course she would.. But you take a 5 and 2 yr old out shopping all day.. Yes that is my idea of a relaxing Sunday. Needless say 9 am Sunday morning mom and I ventured out with 2 boys. We went from store to store with minimal screaming (me) running (mom), grabbing (Logan) and whinning (Nate). I managed to get 1/2 the shopping done with little damage to the budget (YEAH!) and to the kids :). My mom treated us to lunch and we even did some grocery shopping. 6 hours, 1 mall and 6 stores later I made it home in time for the Bears game @ 3pm.

TURKEY BOWL DOWN

Weekend 2= so thanksgiving is upon us and I did something I vowed I would try so hard not to...I bought the boys matching polo's ( they can wear them to church and a few other places separately ) they wore them thanksgiving with my family and everyone thought they both looked so cute! eh so occasionally they can match. Thursday was a day to eat, relax, and celebrate. It was nice to FINALLY have a "sister " in the Greek sense as my 18 yr old. cousin ( who has been like a little sister) pledged a sorority-- while she is in a different one we talked all night about our experiences and it was great to connect with her differently! I can't wait for her to truly experience sisterhood!

Then came the moment of truth.. Turkey Bowl time. What is turkey bowl you ask ! Well every thanksgiving we have a bowling match up. 2 games family vs family for a real trophy & the chance to be crowned TURKEY BOWL CHAMPIONS. So my mom, me, the boys and hubby are a team along with my aunt/uncle and cousins and then each of my aunts 3 sisters has a team. We all have 4 (Logan bowled sporadically for Nate). Last year our slogan was " That's how we roll." this year, seeing as we came in last, we decided to go with Bowled Over. And boy were we ever. Team score was in the 300's and hubby bowled in the 100's. Nate ( he DID have bumpers) beat me... Safe to say we came in last..... Again... And if hubby ever cheats on me it will be in November with some pro-bowler.

So we practice for next year. I'm hoping to at least beat Nate :)... Off to grade and watch Bears football. Happy Thanksgiving!

Letters in the mail

“Here, letters in the mail it’s yours.” This phrase was spoken weekly by my husband pre-paperless days. I never thought much about that phrase until about three years ago when I asked him why he always said letters in the mail, it’s yours. His casual response, they had the letters Sigma and Kappa on the envelope so he knew the mail was for me.  It was his means of identifying something for me.

Fast-forward to the present and a co-worker’s wife, who is interning at the school I teach at, noticed my key chain lanyard. “Sigma Kappa.. I know those letters -some of my best friends are Sig Kap’s. They are awesome women” and there we forged a new connection all because of letters—and a 30 minute conversation talking about our sororities and how life is like from the alumnae perspective (she is in a different NPC group).

Two little letters that might be meaningless to some, identify so many women world wide and hold the power to unlocking who we are and who we connect with. So often I have the conversation of sororities are collegiate experiences, but for many of us the experience transcends our four years into for life.

Why? 

I have come to realize the little letters in the mail don’t just describe me but describe my support system for life. With membership I have found thousands of others with whom I share something scared, something mystic, something special about those letters—Sigma Kappa. 

Now what?

There is a book by Bill Cosby “You’ve graduated now what?” I have come to realize my sorority membership made more of an impact now than it did back in 1995 as a collegian. When unexpectedly lost my father when I was 23, not only did my chapter of initiation send flower, but I received calls, offers of help, flowers, you name it, from my alumnae chapter and the chapter I had just started advising. Women I barely knew were there for me all because of letters.  

Walking into a room you are guaranteed comfort zone of sincere friendship simply because you both share letters. There is a power amongst Greek’s…. we support our own. Whether it’s supporting Sigma Kappa or a friend in another NPC chapter letters stick together.

Leaping with my letters! 

A few years after graduating I realized I missed my letters and vowed to return to something that helped define and guide my collegiate days. I never wondered who to eat dinner with, where to study or if I had plans on a weekend, I had my sisters and we always had something to do. But as an alum I was working, in graduate school, planning a wedding, starting a career, then kids, and so on and so on…. Was there room for 2 little letters. Then I realized, they never left, they just waited, patiently until they were needed again. That’s the beauty of being an alum, there is always a place for everyone you just have to look for letters in the mail! I took my leap wearing my letters—my badge—and I found my sisters. I found an alumnae group. Women of all ages, from chapters spanning numerous states, but the laughter, the ambiance was like we all lived together in one house.  Through my sisters I found out ways to be more involved and began working with collegians as an advisor and national officer. Through these roles I met sisters with such a desire to assist our collegians in “finding their way.” 

So what about my letters in the mail?

While my mail is now in e-mail, it’s the same. I see my letters in the mail and I smile. A sister and I can connect, instantly, over our letters.  Our sorority membership makes it possible to continue to make dear friends who share similar values after college – through alum clubs and through service to the sorority organization whether big or small Sigma Kappa has benefited from all our sisters.  The “new friend” making, working together, sharing our experiences and modeling living our values for a common purpose, is not just for the collegians but alumnae world wide…

So where is your place? Where are your letters in the mail and do they define you?

Connections.......

 “Don’t cry because it’s over.  Smile because it happened.”

This famous quote from Dr. Seuss’s resonates in my mind. Joining Sigma Kappa in the fall 1995 I was seeking a connection in college. I saw all the movies, heard from friends and realized I had no connections at college. I was alone, me, just me. On a push from a floor-mate I plunged into rush not knowing what life had in store. While my chapter is dormant, 16 years later I may not have a connection to my college but I found connections beyond the Ivy towers and nights sitting around studying and laughing with new found friends.   I don’t cry because my college experience is over or that I don’t get to return as the proud alumna to my university and tailgate with alumnae and collegians. I smile because my first independent choice as an 18 year old was one of the best choices I could have ever made.  

Connections… just what are they?

They are people, experiences, events and sisterhood. In 2000 I connected with a SK alumna from a different chapter looking for advisors and I thought you know I loved my days in SK this should be fun. 14 years later I have never looked back. That connection led to me to some of the most amazing women I have been blessed to call friends, sisters, confidants and yes connections. 

Connecting to the collegians

While many of us come in reliving our college days, sharing our experiences with the fresh faced women, secretly I would trade places with them in a moment to relive the little individual events I have the privilege to share with them:   Bid Day – posters and poems from “big sisters” – initiation – conventions  -  recruitment preparation –  dinners-Founders’ day, and so many many more.

The world has changed so much since 1995 but one thing has remained the same, my connection with Sigma Kappa. When life is over scheduled, work is challenging, my sisters are there to bring me back to my silly sorority self. Whether it was walking into an alumnae meeting alone, and seeing a room full of strangers who instantly became friends, or having a collegian tell you thank you for your guidance I connected with something bigger than myself. Their experience is not my own but I am richer for knowing them. 

Connections: belonging 

Staying connected as an alumna gives me a feeling of belonging to something greater than my own little world. We get caught up in our daily lives and forget what else is out there. Through my experience in an alumnae chapter and working with our collegians I have been able to volunteer, be active in my local community, assist with national philanthropies, and connect. I was at a conference last year, alone and out of state. I used my recruitment skills to say hi and join a table of fellow teachers and chat. One teacher and I were just sharing personal information-where we lived, college we attended and somehow we got on to the subject of Greek Life and sure enough she was a Sigma Kappa too! Connection.. We both smiled and realized that’s why we connected we are sisters and instantly there is acceptance and smiles because you found a sister. I don’t need to know anything else other than she is my sister. 

That is the beauty of connecting… as a collegian your world is your college… but as an alumnae the world is your connection. You never know where you find a connection even if you think you are alone, there are 250K of us out there waiting to connect.

Guilty Pleasures

Admit it we all have guilt. As mom's we feel guilty if we work, if we stay at home, if we nursed or did not nurse, if we picked the "right" doctor or preschool. We KNOW life will end if we don't make all those "right" choices and then we feel guilt. So what do we do when our husbands are tired of the "honey which (insert parenting choice here) should we do...." We ask our fellow mom friends. Problem here is that everyone has their view of right and they are determined to make you think like them. While we may have honest well meaning friends who offer great tips there is always that one mom. You know her, she has the perfect kids, clothing, doctor, school, car,  and everything else you see. She is also the one that drives the "mommy guilt" van with comments like " That sounds like a good choice, but if it was me I would........"

And a normally intelligent, confident woman becomes a babbling mess second guessing herself into debt, depression, or competitiveness to prove she too is the perfect mom.

Here is the secret.... there is no perfect mom formula, or someone wold be a millionaire selling it on TV right now. There is just guilt, and instead of supporting each other, helping each other make the pro-con list and debating hours over whether the shoes at Kohl's are just as good as Stride Rite, we fuel the fire for mom guilt. Solution: ignore them. Do what is right for your family because behind closed doors you dont know what the "Perfect's Life" is really like.

Then there are guilty pleasures and we become "that mom." The one who after weeks of whining just gives in to the candy in the store line because you just can.not.take.one.more.errand.with.fighting. The glass of wine as your kids play, ignoring the fight between the kids because really lego's can be removed from a nose or the cat if you try.. or you know daddy is pulling into the drive way and well he can handle that one.  Yet we still feel guilty because we are mom's but we should stop. Enjoy the glass of wine, put up your feet and relax let dad handle it. My guilty pleasures are the $14 manicures.. yes they last 3 days but for 30 minutes no one is calling me, someone is pampering me, no one needs me or anything and I have bliss......Today my mom guilt was spending the time with two of my best friends in the world they are more like sisters.. a quick lunch date turned into 6 hours of walking the mall, talking, laughing and feeling like we were 16 again. I need more of those days when you can say anything knowing they are my "hide the body friends"

So order your guilty pleasure and enjoy it without a side of mom guilt. At the end of the day everything will work out and if not there is always tomorrow! (or therapy)

A thanks, a respite and sleepy boys........

Today is a day we say thank you. Thank you to the brave men and women who have fought for our freedom for over 200 years. For the men and women who sleep under a humvee, away for months in the desert, living on bases without extended family, and those who have lost someone who gave their all so we can have freedom. Today we say thank you. Thank you for your time, thank you for your sacrifice, thank you for serving our nation. We are the land of the free because of the brave.

But I think we should say thank you everyday not just once or twice a year, you know those days: 4th of July, Memorial Day or Veteran's Day. Every time we see a solider in uniform stop and shake their hand and say thank you... I appreciate everything you do for our country. (A personal thanks to my brother-in-law who is currently active duty stationed in Alaska!!)

While the meaning of the holiday is not lost on me, today was a day of relaxing. The boys, dad and I were home which means: 2 boys+ lots of toys+ mom doing chores= my family room looks like a Toys R Us tornado hit. There were forts, Lego artillery, stuffed animals doing guard duty and 2 cats who ran like they were on fire lest they be recruited. My living room was a battle zone between Batman, hockey and Mr. Potato Head (who lost an arm and was taken to the "hospital" AKA toy kitchen... yeah like a potato fairs well in a kitchen). Oh where was dad you ask? Building the Great Wall of Lego!

Once baths were had I was getting everything ready for bed and I  heard " I do not like Green Eggs and Ham Sam I am" and sneaked a peak.. there on his bed was my 5 yr old reading to his little brother. They were so engrossed in Dr Seuss. Now N is learning to read so he was telling L the pictures and what he remembered.. but it was such a sweet moment--I should have taken a picture as 2 hours earlier L was practicing throwing by beaning his older brother in the head with random Lego's... but, I  tucked them both in and smiled as they fell fast asleep in their own rooms and I to watch some hockey.

The Violet Bubble

For 17 years I have had the privilege to escape into the Violet Bubble every few weeks and for a blissful weekend in the summer.  This is not some island paradise with fruity drinks and umbrella's. My Violet bubble is my girl time. Its the time I spend laughing, teaching, listening, and enjoying friends I see far too little because they live far to far away.

Where did the bubble begin?? 

Well in 1874 there were 5 progressive, daring and confident women who wanted something for themselves. As some of the few women who were permitted to obtain a college education they wanted it all and were not going to be stopped! Those five women founded Sigma Kappa. My Sigma Kappa, my violet bubble that today graces over 200 campus over many of our 50 states. To think 18-20 year old women had the foresight, determination and drive to create a sisterhood that spanned 137 years.

So for the last 17 years, about 1/2 my life, I have spent time in my violet bubble working with collegians, reconnecting with alumnae and making a small mark in the large picture.  The time is precious and few but allows me to do something that I have a passion for, that inspires me and drives me.

Why is it a bubble?

Its a special place only a few can enter. Its a place where when you are in it, nothing on the outside can interfere.. its my bubble!  Really though, shouldn't we all have something meaning full in our lives with people we connect with. While Sigma Kappa means more than I can explain, this is not about the Greek System. This is about passion, drive and determination. Follow your heart, lead with your mind, and take a chance. 5 women bucked the system and forever changed the collegiate experience for 250,00) women. Like those founders what are your goals, what are your passions? Let them drive you, come along for the ride, you never know just what may come ahead.

Happy Founders' Day to all my sisters, may we always be in our violet bubble living one heart one way!

Afternoon dates

Weekend Update:

Friday--- Thank god I'm a sports fan. Bundled up like we were visiting Alaska, the family loaded up in the car after dinner to watch our high school (where we work) battle another school in the state playoff series for football. It was a cold night full of anticipation at kick off. After the 1st quarter it was apparent that we would seal a victory and live to play another (cold) Friday night. Sure enough both boys were tired, cold and cranky but had the energy to cheer "GO VIKINGS" and clap for every play.

I looked over at my husband earnestly teaching our 2 yr old the fundamentals of football while the 5 yr old just looked at home at a place he had been coming to all his 5 years of life. He proclaimed to me that one day he would too be a Viking on this field. I figured this was not the day to tell him no he would be a Bobcat since we don't live in the district! But looking around at the proud parents after one amazing drive a lady stood up cheering "That a boy!! That's my son!!" Wearing his jersey and pride beaming from her face. In her I saw me in 9 short years cheering for my son's maybe on the same field or one just like it.

On Saturday we found ourselves with a rare weekend free so I decided to make good on a promise to Nate. See, in Kindergarten they get stickers for each day they behave well and since he earned one for every day in October decided to offer a reward! His choice: movie date with mom. I was thrilled taking off with him to see Dolphin Tale. Now if you know me, you know Lifetime Movie Network is a staple in my life. I cry, use all the tissue and follow the story as if it was my own....

So Nate excitedly chats all the way to the movie, stopping only to sing along with Bon Jovi and Lady Antebellum on the radio (more lessons from mom). The 2 hours flew by as we watched the tale of "Winter" and I went through one box of tissue cheering for that Dolphin. Nate looked over puzzled and asked me why I was crying when she lived?!  I explained they were tears of joy--but he just shrugged and munched on with his popcorn.

This weekend I was in my own blue heaven, spending quality time with those I love.

The "Children" question

Brotherhood--- As a sorority woman I “get” the sisterhood and brotherhood meaning. As an only child I never had the opportunity to experience it with family until now. Having two boys opens my eyes to a world foreign to me.. a world filled with brotherhood  consisting of trucks, bugs, and dirt.

A typical trip to run errands always yields questions from well meaning strangers… yes I have two boys, yes my house is noisy and yes I have my hands full. Do you ask because they boys or because I have kids?  For me it’s the latter. As a teacher I can tell you male or female once you increase the number of children in your immediate area you will be inevitably graced with mess—usually toys or snack, and noise—of the toy or human variety.

Now as a parent of two boys when a stranger comments the conversation typically goes in this pattern.

Stranger: Are both yours?

Me:  Yes

Stranger: Do you have any other children?

Me: Nope just the 2….. (wait for it wait for it….. silently counting)

Stranger: “You have to have a third for a girl” (or something of that nature)

Me: “Well right now these two are wonderful.. who knows about the future”

Stranger: “Didn’t you want a girl?”

Me smiling and thinking.. gee was there a choice? I never remembered seeing that option on the OB form? And I just repeat that I love my sons and life is just grand.

  But these conversations have me wondering what is wrong with not having a boy and a girl, preferably in that order? Is there something imperfect about not having the stereotypical “perfect family?” I see Logan following his brother like a blonder and smaller version. What ever Nate does, Logan will follow and it has been this way from birth. They have a look, a laugh, a bond like no other. They are brothers, while to some it might be an imperfect family--for us they are perfect brothers.

So yes I will have my days filled with sports, bugs, and trucks… but I will also have hugs, love, birthdays, cooking and so many other times I cherish as they grow older boy or girl.

(edited for spelling!)